Sunday, November 28, 2004

Further explanation

It isn't very furry to be suspicious, so I thought I would offer up evidence of Ozzie's poor scribesmanship (um ... Pudgie is that a word?). Below is a letter he "helped" me write to Harriet on Valentine's Day last year.

Um, hello. This is the Wags Dog. I typically don’t type, but Ozzie is being very nice and helping me. He wasn’t being nice to me a few minutes ago.

He said, “Come here, I need your help.”

I said, “Why don’t you come over here so I can pounce on you?”

He said, “Wagsy, come over here now, I need your help on something important.”

“Um, I’m not sure I want to come over there, pillowhead.”

“Don’t you mean that you can’t come over here by your own volition?” At that point, Ozzie picked me up by my leg and yanked me out of the bed.

At any rate, I was pretty miffed at Ozzie and not at all feeling like helping him out. But then, Ozzie explained to me what he needed help doing. He just installed a new printer and wanted to test it out. He figured that he would help me write a nice letter to Harriet on behalf of the bears. At that point, I became far more eager to help him out. It is a shame that he had to be such a pillowhead in the beginning.

So … um … hello, Harriet. I just wanted to say on behalf of all the bears that we love you very much. And we’re very happy that we’ll be moving to a bear friendly environment in South Bend. Most of us don’t really care for pink, but we really like the sound of the master bedroom area. It makes it very difficult for Ozzie to declare the bedroom a bear-free zone. Are we in the bedroom, the hallway, or the stair landing, or in a big closet? Hmmm.

[Typists note: Wagsy, I’m typing this and simply declare any area I like to be a bear free zone.]

Well, Ozzie THINKS he can declare any area a bear free zone, but past history would suggest that he loses this battle. It began with just me in the bed, but then it was also the Goofball (a bear he bought incidentally), then Lobby and Moose, and now my bunny. I like George. I’m surprised that the Pillowhead bought me George. I didn’t know he cared.

[Typists note: I don’t care Wagsy. Look at how happy it made Harriet.]

You mean that I’m just a pawn in your quest to make Harriet happy?

[Typists note: Um … mostly.]

I think Ozzie just said that he likes me. Ooh! I feel so loved and furry. ... Ooh! Wait! Put me down you non-furry cheese-cake butt! Ooh!

[Typists note: the author of this letter has just left the room.]


See what a pillowhead he can be?


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