Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Too Exciting to Pass Up

So like I know we haven't been blogging lately, and like I am super sorry about that. But like things have been crazy here with the arrival of little Ricky. By crazy, I mean that everyone is totally exhausted and completely bored out of their minds. Like I mean everyone. Even Platy is beginning to complain about the daily repetition (and like this one time Platy confused a glass bookcase for a movie and watched the bookcase for like two days straight). Like Ricky looks totally adorable, but he pretty much only does like three things. One of those things is nap, but he naps a lot even for teddy bears. I mean come on, this aardvark has things to do. And like the other two things Ricky does are like too disgusting to be discussed on a family blog. Oh my god, I'm like totally scarred. If I had a therapist, she would like have to hypnotize me so I could recall the traumatizing moments. Stars with their babies may look all glamorous and happy, but that is probably because they are like paying someone to change diapers and comfort squawking babies. Or maybe it is because they are shopping for clothes in fancy boutiques in full make up. Like who wouldn't look glamorous and happy doing that? Like, the point is that, I am totally sorry that we have been totally neglecting the blog.

But I am posting now because like I totally have exciting news. Oh my god, I can hardly contain myself. Michelle Williams picked out a baby present for little Ricky. I'm being totally on the level here. For real. I mean like this is THE Michelle Williams, the glamorous movie star, and not some nobody Michelle Williams who happens to share the same name. Like isn't that totally amazing?

Oh, my god, Amelia and I were like totally stoked and like hopping all over the room screaming and stuff. I mean what are the odds that a co-lead of Dick, which happens to be my all-time favorite movie about political intrigue, would choose our family a present? I should be like totally above board and say upfront that Michelle Williams didn't buy Ricky a present, but she personally selected it which is almost as good. Harriet's cousin, K., was shopping in this amazing Japanese department store in the big Apple named Takashimaya. K. was like trying to find an appropriate gift for Ricky. She was going to buy this very cute, knitted Noah's Ark when this glamorous stranger came up to K. and said:

Glamorous Stranger: You know, like, that looks really cute and all, but babies would prefer cheap plastic things to gnaw on.

K.: Like that is totally a good point. Thanks.

Glamorous Stranger: No problem, like i know everything about babies.

K.: Well, like I have no clue, so like could you help me out by telling me stuff to buy?

Glamorous Stranger: Like you're in the right store, because I just adore Takashimaya. I like come here every time I am in New York cuz like it's the best.

K.: I like it, too. So like what do you like?

Glamorous Stranger: I completely adore this blanket with all the dogs on it and stuff. It is like really cute and really soft and totally gives the baby an enriched environment with all the colors and textures on it and stuff.

K.: Oh my god, you're right. This blanket is awesome and I bet Ricky is completely into colors.

Glamorous Stranger: Totally.

K.: Like did you bring your dog into the store?

Glamorous Stranger: Yeah! Like what was I supposed to do, leave it outside tied to a tree or something? As if. It's like pure-bred and everything.

K.: I'm just saying stores don't normally like people to bring in pets and stuff.

Glamorous Stranger: I'm like really, really famous, and totally rich, and way too glamorous to be bothered. Like people let me do whatever I want cuz like I spend lots of money and make everywhere I go seem like totally hot. Like I bought a pretzel from thsi hot dog vendor this one time, and like the next day there was a picture of it in the styles section and like the
dude was like up to is ears in customers.

K.: I knew that. I totally knew that you are Michelle Williams.

Michelle Williams: Well now that you know, like don't go totally crazy stalker on me or anything.

K.: Like thanks for the great advice on the baby present.

Michelle Williams: Like it was my pleasure.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeee! And that is how Michelle Williams picked out our, I mean like Ricky's, blanket. Here is a picture of Amelia and I posing with the blanket.

Showing off the goods

Like I am pretty sure that Michelle Williams touched it, so it might like have her hair or skin or something on it. If I was like some sick-o, I could totally clone her. But like that would ruin the whole mystique behind Michelle Williams. I mean who else could have played Kimberly in But I'm a Cheerleader? Okay, that was a small part, but she was like integral to Prozac Nation when she played Ruby. Oh my god, she's like so talented.

Close Up of the brush with celebrity

Amelia said that like this gift from Michelle Williams was like an omen or something of like good things for Ricky. And like I don't know about that cuz like I'm a self-made aardvark and all, but like it totally changes my view of Ricky. Like he might do some really disgusting things, but like he is a close personal friend of Michelle Williams and that is way cool.

So like I want to tell everyone.


Blogger Amelia said...

Hi, Buffy. You wrote a very nice post. The blanket makes an excellent backdrop for your posing and shows off your fur nicely.

I want to make sure that people recognize that the conversation between Harriet's cousin and Michelle Williams was paraphrased by Buffy. It is probably obvious to everyone, but the idioms are Buffy's and not how the conversation actually took place. I just don't want anyone to get confused.

That is all.


5:39 PM  
Blogger Buffy said...

Thanx for the props, chica. I know you're too modest and shy to say anything, but you look sizzling hot in the pictures, Amelia. You totally need to let my photography capture you on film. Oh my god, you'd be huge.

And like thanx for clearing up confusion on the conversation part of the post. Like I totally thought that it would be obvious what was happening cuz like the narrative voice doesn't like change at all. You know? I mean Harriet's cousin is like a professional woman and teaches at an Ivy League school and everything, so she has to sound all proper and old and stuffy, yaknow? Like her grasp of the aardvark vernacular is like non-existent. So like she's not cool or anything, but it was really sweet of her to meet Michelle Williams and send along the cute blanket and stuff.

5:47 PM  

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