Friday, December 17, 2004

Charlie Weis?

Turns out Notre Dame couldn't hire the NY bologna dude. Urban Meyer weiner wasn't man enough to coach the big ND and took a job at Florida instead. Ouch. He'd rather coach at the Swamp rather than the flower lined sidelines of Notre Dame stadium. But the Bend has a certain charm to it. First off, it has the Goofball. How many cute baby black bears are hanging out in Gainesville ready to give Urban Meyer weiner a hug? I bet the answer is zero. Second, the Bend has restaurants that are not named Hooters. I'm not really into food, but I reckon one of the 14 steak houses in South Bend has a hamburger equal to a Hooter's burger (that is why guys go there, right? At least that is why Ozzie says he goes to Hooters). Thirdly, I root for Notre Dame and not Florida. I bet the NY bologna fool didn't even take my feelings into consideration. Just gives me one more reason to root against Florida (the first one is their mascot -- alligators are the natural enemies of black bears, well, that and urban sprawl).

So Notre Dame hired Charlie Weis and his two superbowl rings. Pudgie says "Weis" means white in German. Could Nore Dame have hired someone more white? Notre Dame went and hired the opposite of my man Tyrone. Tyrone was small and fit and articulate. Weis bears a slight resemblence to Wagsy. They're both white and shaped like pillows and have big noses. Wagsy uses better grammar and bathes more frequently, but I don't think that matters much for being a football coach. Actually, I think Wagsy might make the world's worst football coach: "Um ... hey guys, you want to hit the showers and come cuddle." That is a phrase that will get a man fired.

I'll still root for Notre Dame, but I'm not sending them any of my money. Apparently donors are the only people they listen to, so the Goofball is withholding funds. I'm not sure how much money is in the bear bank, but it would probably pay a month or two of Charlie's salary.


He makes how much?


Two millions dollars?! A year?!! Maybe Notre Dame should have hired Wagsy, he would have been cheaper.


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