Monday, December 20, 2004

Children and the future

Um .... while Harriet was turning in her grades today, I sat down to think about the future. Bears don't normally worry about things like the future, but Harriet had a milestone and it sets a bear to thinking. Someday there will be a baby in the house. How will that change the lives of the bears?

Um ... first, it will mean that there will be more bears in the house. Ozzie issued a moratorium on new bears, but that will be lifted when there is a child. New bears are fun, but a big responsibility. You have to teach the baby bears how to take care of their person. You have to learn to cuddle, how to have tea parties, how to stay on the bed and not fall off (a very tough skill -- Platy is still in training), um ... TV watching, how to use the remote, and uh, let me see ... oh, I know, how to comfort your person when they are sad and keep them safe from monsters (ooh!). All very important skills to learn and it is up to me and Pudgie to teach them.

But, but ... um ... how can I say this nicely, well ... teach them without getting too close to the child. I've heard tale that babies can be smelly, whiny, dirty things. Ooh ... was that out loud? Um ... I'm sure I will like the baby (oh, I hope there is just one, two, oh, two would be a lot of trouble) and I hope she likes me too. But not too much. "Stay away from mommy's bear." Could I make a poster and put that around the room? Or an alarm system? "Stand back from the bear. Stand back from the bear." If I could watch the baby from a distance that would be ideal. Perhaps a cage. A glass cage. ... what? Oh, it's call a crib? Isn't that one of those big houses on MTV? I'm not sure. I would be sure if we had cable TV. So many promises were made to the bears. How do I know that the promise to keep me safe from the baby will be kept? Ooh. Very scary.

One of the most important skills to learn as a bear is how to give your person a furry push in the right direction. I have a feeling that the cable fairies will be visiting soon.

... um, are you sure there is no such thing as cable fairies?


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