Platypus Studies

Hi. I read the newspaper this afternoon. I liked this article. I like articles about Platypuses. If went to school, I'd major in Platypus studies. I learned a lot about myself from this article.

• I am only 82% mammal. I don't know what the other 18% is. Maybe reptile. I like the Gecko who sells insurance. He seems nice.



• I have a strong sense of smell. I knew that already. Our whole house smells of diapers. Always. We live in a stinky house.



• I can detect electric fields with my bill. I'm not quite sure what that means, but it sounds neat. Are electric fields where they grow light bulbs?



• I make venom. That makes me dangerous. Maybe this is why women like me. Buffy says I need a leather jacket to complete the look.



• I don't have nipples. Teddy bears don't pay much attention to anatomy. But this fact might be useful some day. Maybe someone will need a nipple transplant. I won't be able to help, so I shouldn't volunteer.



• People thought platypuses were a joke at first. But they were wrong.

I am not a joke. I am a platypus. I am a dangerous, electric field sensing, leather jacket wearing, nipple-less heart throb.