Friday, December 15, 2006

Zombie Attack

H-h-h-i-i-i. Hi. Hi. ... Is this thing on?

Wagsy: Um ... if you're typing and words are appearing, then it is on.

Platy: I don't type. I don't have fingers. Ozzie is typing for me.

Wagsy: Um ... well ... if Ozzie is typing, then the computer is probably on.

Platy Are you sure? His eyes aren't open.

Wagsy: Um ... the platypus makes a good point. Um ... hello! Ozzie!! Helllooooo, Ozzie!

Ozzie: I'm right here, Wagsy. And I might be tired, guys, but I know when the computer is on.

Wagsy: Um ... okay, he's awake. Go ahead, Platy.

Platy: I don't know if I want to go now. I'm scared.

Wagsy: Um ... what are you scared of?

Platy What if people don't like my post?

Wagsy: Don't be scared, Platy. You've posted before and they were very nice posts. I'm sure people will like your post. Um ... what did you want to say?

Platy: I wanted to do my impersonation.

Wagsy: Um ... who did you want to impersonate?

Platy: Everyone.

Wagsy: Um ... that sounds ... um ... ambitious.

Platy: It is a good impersonation.

Wagsy: Okay, ... um ... why don't you do it then? We'd all like to see a good impersonation.

Platy Okay. Okay. (Look of deep platypusian concentration) Okay. (Look of deep platypusian confusion) Are you ready?

Wagsy: Yes.

Platy: Then why don't you go?

Platy: Um ... because I am not the one who was going to do an impersonation. You were going to do an impersonation.

Platy: Okay. I thought you might have one, too. Impersonating people is fun. One time, I impersonated Professor Pudge Bear and got a free meal at a fancy restaurant where men looked like sandwichs and the women looked like wilted flowers. But --

Wagsy: Um ... um ... I don't think I've heard that story before. Um ... maybe we should get on with your impersonation of everyone before Ozzie falls asleep.

Platy: Okay, here is my impersonation of everyone. (Imagine the concentration and outstretched arms of a platypus diving at the Olympics) Grains. Graaaaaa-innnnnns. Graaaaaa-innnnnnns! Grains!

Wagsy: Um ... are you okay, Platy?

Platy: I'm fine. That was my impersonation.

Wagsy: Um ... who were you in impersonating?

Platy: Everyone. ... You didn't like it?

Wagsy: Oooh, oooh, don't cry. Don't cry. Oooh! I made him cry. Um ... no, no, it was a very nice impersonation. ... um ... Help me out here, Ozzie.

Ozzie: Don't look at me. I'm just the typist.

Wagsy: Big help you are, pillowhead. Um ... you really sounded ... um ... frog-like?

Platy: You're just saying that. (sniff)

Wagsy: Um ... no. You really did sound like a frog. Um ... a creepy frog in search of grain. Um ... a creepy, tired, hungry frog. Um ... were you pretending to be a zombie, Platy?

Platy: I told you that I had a good impersonation of everyone.

Wagsy: Oooh, ooh, I get it. Verrry clever, Platy. Yes, everyone has been acting like a zombie. Um ... sleeping hasn't been very easy since Ricky arrived.

Platy: I like it because I am the smartest one in the house now.

Wagsy: Um ... um ... I want to disagree with you, but you might be right. Everyone definitely seems out of it. Why does the crying not bother your sleep?

Platy: I hide.

Wagsy: Oooh! Very good idea. Um ... where do you hide to get away from the crying, Platy? I've tried to find a place in the house to take a nice long nap, but there seems to be crying everywhere.

Platy: I'm not telling you because I'm brown, I'm round, and I can't be found.

Wagsy: Um ... it isn't very nice of you not to share your hiding place, Platy, but ... um ... I guess I understand.

Platy: Was this a good post, Wagsy?

Wagsy: Um ... I think it was, Platy. But your impersonation could use a little work. Zombies want brains, not grains.

Platy: I know they want brains. That is why I am the smartest person in the house.


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