Like get your amazing swag already
So like, oh my god, I'm like totally overwhelmed. This has to be the most exciting day of my life. Like I'm totally going to be famous. I know some of you out there didn't think I could do it, but like there is an entire store devoted to me. Normally, I like totally know what to say and stuff, but I'm so happy I'm at a loss for words.
My goal is to have everyone walking around with an aardvark on their chest. I figure, you know, like I have more talent than Britney and I am cuter, so why can't it be me? Like all those shows about celebrities say work hard, keep the faith, and follow your dreams. Well, that is totally what I am going to do.
We only have one picture of me out at the moment, but like that's only because we just got started. I don't want to overexpose myself and be a flash in the pan, cause like I'm in this for the long haul. I can't put my beautiful face on just any product. So I personally selected each and every product. I haven't like tested them and stuff, because like I don't drink coffee, but they seem pretty good. Like what sort of lame-os would sell a bad coffee mug, right? My favorite product is totally the Jr. Raglan which comes in three colors.
Yes, Mr. Deville, I AM ready for my closeup.
posted by Buffy @ Friday, January 28, 2005
12 Comments:
Um ... I think you look very nice on a t-shirt, Buffy. I hope you make us lots of money so we can buy the silk sheets that were promised to us.
Congratulations, Buffy. I knew you could do it. You seemed like the type of lady who would go places.
Now, I'm wondering when I will get my own t-shirt. I think a shirt with my image would sell to a slightly different demographic. What lady could resist a shirt with my beautiful face on it?
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Like, thank you, Wagsy. I mean, it was obvious what bear should be chosen to debut our line of clothing and accessories, but I mean I touched you didn't like screw it up and pick someone else. I mean that happens some times, you know?
And, Goofball, I'm sure that if you keep working towards your goals and dreams, I sure you'll totally fulfill them.
I don't mean to rain on anyone's parade, but I did notice something a little disturbing about the line of products currently available. The t-shirts and coffee mugs are fine; and the clock is a little silly but unobjectionable. However, I'm a little concerned about the teddy bear. Should we be selling teddy bears? The parallels to slavery are obvious and jarring.
Like, oh my god, I didn't think of that. Now I totally know how Kathy Lee Gifford felt.
I don't know, Pudgie. I'm as against slavery as the next bear, but teddy bears are made to be bought and sold. It's kind of what happens to us. I was purchased off the top of a Duracel display. You were purchased from a store on the way to Baylor one morning. I think it's probably okay to buy and sell teddy bears.
Goofball, I see your point. You are absolutely correct that teddy bears are made to be bought and sold. The market may not be egalitarian, but it is an efficient means of distributing teddy bears. Given that a bear cannot actualuate its potential and exercise free will until it is purchased and has bonded with a person, commerce is teddy bears is acceptable.
My reaction before was more aesthetic than rational. Something about teddy bears selling their own has disturbing cannibalisitc overtones. However, one could put an alternative spin on the activity: we are helping bears find loving homes.
Um ... I like the second spin much better. Even though I eat pillows, I don't like to think of myself as a cannibal. Ooh! I don't even like to say the word. Finding homes for bears ... that sounds like a nice furry activity. Are we going to train the bears? I like training bears to go off and bond with children. It might be the most rewarding part of my job as Alexandra's bear.
Whoo! Like I almost had my first scandal minutes after I grabbed the spotlight. That would have totally sucked. I knew the paparazzi would be a problem and stuff, but who knew they would strike so quickly? I don't know how stars deal. Brad and Jennifer, I like totally feel your pain.
Sorry, Wagsy, but there will be no opportunity to train the bears. The bears go directly from the manufacturer to the child. If the store is a success, perhaps we could customize the store so buyers have the option of a pre-trained bear, but that is beyond our capacity at the moment.
Good modeling job, Buffy. You are a "fabulous aardvark."
Thank you, David. Like you were totally important to my rise to stardom. Like when I heard we're moving to South Bend, I totally thought I would be like stuck in the middle of nowheresville. But like my career has taken off. And I owe it all to you. Well, you and my good looks, and my personality, and like all my years preparing for this moment.
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