Thursday, January 06, 2005

Who's Your Daddy?

Okay, so the other night I was watching TV with Ozzie and we saw this amazing TV show on Fox called Who's Your Daddy? This hot chick was adopted and she wanted to know her biological parents. So Fox rounded up these like 8 random guys to like pretend to be her father and made her guess like which one was her real father. Oh, I suppose like one of the guys wasn't random because he was like totally her father and stuff. Anyway, the hot chic orphan lady doesn't know which guy is the right one. If she guesses the correct guy, then she wins $100,000, so like she could take her newfound father out to dinner or something. If she like doesn't guess the right guy, then the guy who like totally scams her wins $100,000 and the lady still finds out the identity of her real father.

Fox like comes up with totally entertaining ideas for shows. I mean like I feel kind of dirty watching people act out their issues on screen, but then I remind myself that these people like chose to be on the show because they like wanted to be on TV and were totally greedy and stuff. Like, if they wanted to be famous, they should like write for a blog featuring a totally hot aardvark. ;) I don't whether or not I'd go on a reality TV show or some day time talk show like Ricky Lake or Maury or Sally. The only show I know I wouldn't go on is Dr. Phil, because he's like totally an asshole and I know he'd like rag on me for being vain and stuff. Like, I like how I am and I'm not going to apologize for being hot stuff.

Anyway, like the first thing that struck me was that this woman is going to narrate the entire show. I mean like there is no wondering what is going on this orphan lady's head because like she's talking non-stop. She's like one of those totally gross cows with transparent sides so scientist dudes can like see how digestion or something works. Like, people say Fox's reality shows are gross, but science is waaay grosser. I mean like the few times I have been subjected to the discovery channel like they are showing open heart surgery or children with bizarre skin lesions. Okay, so the adopted chic doesn't have any lesions and you can totally tell because she's wearing a low cut dress that shows off her breasts and makes her look hot. I mean, it's not my look, but considering that she is a greedy, neurotic orphan she looks about as good as she can.

And so, she's like talking all the time coming up with reasons for each one of the guys could be her father. Then each time she makes a choice, like she says she knew it all along. Hello, chicky! Like when you come up with reasons for every possible choice, then like you always confirm some of your thinking. Maybe I should let Pudgie drop the knowledge on this, but I think I'm onto something. Anyway, it is totally obvious who her father is. I mean like seven guys are smiling and one guy is looking sad. I don't mean the sad guy looks like a French clown or anything, but he looks like he is regretting his decision to meet his daughter for the first time on a Fox reality show. Or, maybe he was bummed that his daughter was like greedy. You didn't need any of the lame get to know you activities. Just pick the guy who looks like he drank spoiled milk.

So, like the only entertaining thing about the show was watching this lady freak out at every turn. She like bonded with these random dudes and would say lame things like, "I think you could be my father." I think part of the reason I liked the show so much is I identified with the lady. I mean, Harriet adopted me and I don't know who my parents are. It wouldn't bother me at all, but I'm like not even sure of my species, genus, family or order. I mean aardvarks and anteaters look a lot alike, but they are TOTALLY different. Anteaters like live in South America and is like related to armadillos and aardvarks live in Africa and aren't related to anything.

I might like have to write about this later. I'm like totally worn out from all this typing. I mean, my feet aren't exactly set up for being a secretary. I spend a lot of time on my nails and don't want to mess them up, so I like have to touch type with my nose, which I don't mind because it's like sturdy and stuff, but it takes me a long time. I hope my fans appreciate my efforts. This blogging thing is totally a lot more work than I thought it would be. I haven't been contacted by any Hollywood agents yet and I've spent all this time shoving my nose into a keyboard.


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