A Cry for Help

Goofball: Hey there, Wagsy!

Wagsy: Um ... hi, Goofball. How are you?

Goofball: Doing okay. Actually, I'm doing better than okay now that Platy explained things to me.

Wagsy: Um ... um ... Platy explained things to you? Oh my. Um ... I wondered where he went. Um ... what exactly did Platy tell you?

Goofball: Platy told me the secret reason everyone everyone is acting so crazy round here.

Wagsy: Um ... what did Platy tell you, Goofball?

Goofball: What?! You haven't noticed all the strangeness? You can't tell me that things haven't been askew, akilter, and a little weird.

Wagsy: Um ... um ... what do you think is weird?

Goofball: Well, for starters Harriet stopped eating chocolate. That right there is enough information to warrant an FBI investigation. Ozzie has started working harder, and I don't like to say it because I like the boy, but that is a little out of the ordinary.

Wagsy Yeah, yeah, I DID notice those changes. Um ... what secret do you think caused those changes?

Goofball: You don't know? I can't believe Platy was more in the know than the two of us. We're pretty much the social hubs, I don't know how information like this passed us by.

Wagsy: Um ... what did Platy tell you, Goofball?

Goofball: Keep your pants on, dog. Why so pushy? What's your hurry? Afraid you'll miss out on your mid-afternoon nap?

Wagsy: Um ... I would like to take a nap now that you mention it. But I also want to know what Platy told you.

Goofball: (whisper) Ozzie and Harriet are going to get a dog.

Wagsy: Um ... um ...

Goofball: Yeah, I couldn't believe it either. But it makes perfect sense. Ozzie is working harder so he can afford allergy shots for the dog. Harriet stopped eating chocolate because chocolate is bad for dogs and she doesn't want to keep it around the house.

Wagsy: Um ... that is an interesting theory.

Goofball: Wait, there is more evidence. You know those gates that they put at the top and bottom of the stairs?

Wagsy: Yeah ...

Goofball: Well, I thought they were to keep Harriet from sleep walking and falling down the stairs, but now I know that they are to keep the dog from getting near the bears. That is why I stopped worrying about the dog. Harriet and Ozzie thought of everything to keep the bears safe.

Wagsy: Um ... um ... so the dog is staying downstairs?

Goofball: Yeah, so no need to have that worried look on your face.

Wagsy: Why do they need two gates then? Um ... wouldn't the one at the bottom be enough?

Goofball: I'm one step ahead of you. The second gate is a fail safe. The dog can't jump up the stairs and over the gate. I tell you, Ozzie and Harriet really thought that one through. I wonder if Pudgie helped them. Yup, we're getting a dog. It accounts for all the strangeness.

Wagsy: Um ... all the changes around here can be explained by a dog?

Goofball: Yup, all of 'em.

Wagsy: Um ... how does a dog explain why Harriet's belly is so big?

Goofball: You noticed that, too? Yeah, it is getting pretty big isn't it. That doesn't have anything to do with getting a dog, that is Harriet just getting fat. You notice how she never does anything anymore. She just comes home from work dead tired and hangs out on the couch? You do that for long enough and you start getting fat.

Wagsy: Um ... don't people get fat all over their body and not just in their belly region?

Goofball: You're mostly fat in your belly region.

Wagsy: Um yeah, but I'm a teddy bear.

Goofball: So? What's your point?

Wagsy: Um ...

Goofball: Are you trying to imply that Harriet has a tumor? Is she getting a dog to keep her company during chemo-therapy?!

Wagsy: Um ... help! HELP! Pudgie! Buffy! Help! Help!