Monday, March 06, 2006

A Call to Bear Arms

Um ... hello! Oooh, so much has happened in the past few nights, it is hard to know where to begin. We've been surprisingly active. Shockingly active. Um ... we ousted Ozzie from the bed. Yeah, yeah, he's sleeping in the guest room now. I'm stunned. Days later and I still haven't been able to wrap my head around it. Um ... wow. I'm so stunned that I couldn't even keep the suspense through this post. I just blurted it out. Ozzie is in the guest bed and the bears are sleeping with Harriet and the body pillow.

Um ... it all started with Goofball's rabble-rousing ...

Goofball: There comes a time in the course of household events, it becomes necessary for bears to assume power over the bed to ensure equal station.

Moose: Moose!

Goofball: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all bears are created equal.

Buffy: Like that so isn't true. I mean, you'd freak if Ozzie said he could like swap you with any other bear and it would be all the same to him.

Goofball: Work with me here, I'm on a roll.

Moose: Moose!

Goofball: Bears are endowed by their person with certain unalienable rights. Among these are cleanliness!

Wagsy Um ... yeah. I'm getting a little sniffy now that you mention it.

Goofball: Cuddling!

Wagsy: Oooh, I like cuddling.

Goofball: And the pursuit of napping.

Wagsy: Oooh, it would be tough to beat napping.

Buffy: Like you just said that you like cuddling. Make up your mind already.

Wagsy: Um ... I like both napping and cuddling. Um ... if I had to choose one, I don't know what I'd do.

Goofball: You shouldn't have to choose between napping and cuddling. That is the whole point. All bears should have both napping and cuddling.

Wagsy: Ooooh, napping AND cuddling. That's verrry nice. I can't think of anything I like more than cuddling while napping, unless it's napping while cuddling.

Buffy: Like are you going to get to your point sometime in the next week? I should be sketching out the storyboard for my next photoshoot.

Goofball: I'm glad you asked. To secure these rights, persons and bears enter into a furry compact. Persons derive their rightful powers from the consent of the bears. Whenever the relationship because destructive of these ends, it is the right of the bears to alter or abolish the compact.

Moose: Moo ... moo ... ooo ... ?

Wagsy: Um ... I don't get it either.

Goofball: We aren't getting cuddling, you fur brains, so we should do something about it!

Wagsy: I say we form a committee and nap on the committee.

Gladstone: I propose that we draft a letter stating our grievances, and present the missive to Harriet for her consideration.

Goofball: That's the type of do nothing attitude I expected from you lot. You're all pathetic.

Platy: No. I'm brown. I'm round. And I'm upside down.

Buffy: Could you just tell us what you want us to do and then we could decide if we wanted to do it? Some of us have careers to manage.

Goofball: I propose that we insert ourselves into the bed tonight.

Wagsy: Um ... I like that idea. But I don't love it.

Goofball: What's wrong with that idea? What's not to love?

Wagsy: Um ... with the body pillow and Harriet and Ozzie ... um ... there isn't much room on the bed for us. We'll get thrown off or rolled upon.

Goofball: Well, we'll just have to get rid of the body pillow.

Buffy: Hello! We like gave her the body pillow. You can't give something and then take it back. That is totally rude.

Moose: Moose!

Goofball: Okay, then we'll just have to get rid of Ozzie.

Wagsy: Um ... we've been trying to do that for years and he's still here.

Platy: Ozzie took me to Washington, DC.

Wagsy: Okay, okay, I don't really want to get rid of the pillowhead. But ... um ... I don't think he'll be easy to move.

Goofball: We just gotta go about it the right way. He won't listen to us.

Wagsy: No, no, he just picks me up by my leg and casts me off the bed.

Goofball: Exactly. But he will listen to ... Harriet!

Wagsy: Good point. Um ... I still don't think I get it.

Goofball: We just need to get in the bed before Ozzie, you see. We lounge around and look all cute, and then Harriet will come in and want to cuddle with us. Harriet starts to get a little tired and so we pounce and put her right to sleep. So when Ozzie comes upstairs, he finds Harriet asleep and the bed overrun by bears. He doesn't want to wake Harriet, so he goes to sleep in the guest bed.

Gladstone: I don't often say this, but that is a brilliant idea, my good fellow. Simply smashing idea.

Moose: Moose!

Wagsy: Um ... that is crazy enough that it might just work.

Goofball: The idea isn't crazy at all! It is just sound tactics. Find your opponent's weakness and start poking the weakness with a big stick!

Wagsy: Okay, okay. I know it isn't crazy. I just watched Charles in Charge today and wanted to use the line. Um ... I think it is a good plan. Mostly because it involves cuddling. Even if Ozzie kicks us off the bed, we'll still get cuddling.

Buffy: Like you can count me in, cuz mostly it involves laying around looking cute. I have that down like a bed and breakfast comforter.

Um ... and what do you know, the plan has worked three nights in a row. Um ... I wonder how long it will last. I miss the cheesecake butt a little, but I like cuddling with Harriet a whole lot more.


Post a Comment

<< Home