Napoleon Dynamute

So like one problem with living in nowheresville is that you don't get to see all the good movies. I mean we get most of the movies with hot stars -- and that is like the most important thing -- but we usually miss seeing hot indy flicks with buzz. How am I supposed to ride the zeitgeist if the zeit has come and gone?

Luckily, Netflix rides to the rescue and let's me make up for lost time. Oh my god, I have caught up on soooo many movies that came and went before I even knew to see them. And since The Bend is now a distribution center, we get our movies way fast. It has improved my quality of life more than polar fleece and like it gets wicked cold here.

This week I watched Napoleon Dynamite. I chose it because I saw some kids walking around with "Vote for Pedro" shirts and I figured it might still be relevant. I mean, some kids are saying that the movie captures the high school dynamic and stuff. After sitting through that movie, I'm wondering what type of messed up high school these kids go to. All of the male characters act like retarded eight year olds with delusions of grandeur and autism. Please. Not only is it totally ridiculous, but I have no idea why the writers think I might want to watch these guys. And the idea that an unknown loser could defeat the popular cheerleader in an election because one of his friends danced on stage is like nothing more than wishful thinking.

But my biggest complaint is that the movie takes forever. The first line of dialogue is a little boy asking Napoleon, "What are you going to do today, Napoleon?" and Napoleon totally snaps back, "Whatever I feel like I wanna do, gosh!" which like might be okay, but Napoleon doesn't think of anything to do the entire movie. I mean nothing ever happens, the dialogue is more boring than termites, and none of the characters have any redeeming characteristics. Napoleon and his brother continually lie about knowing lame martial arts and are totally rude to everyone. It isn't entertaining listening to 13 year olds claim to be cage fighting ninjas, why did the writers think it would be any better watching a 32 year old make the same stupid claims?

So, like the only halfway good thing I can say about the film is that there are some absurd images. Feeding disgruntled llamas looks hard and moving chickens is totally disgusting. Oh my god. Watching the chicken farm scenes made my fur tingle. But really, they are just trying too hard. It is like a film student saw some posters from David Lynch films and didn't realize there was story, characters, and dialogue surrounding the images. Pathetic. Like the climax of the movie has Napoleon dancing on a black stage alone. The scene is sorta surreal, but mostly is trying too hard and not worthy of a climax. Hello! The midget dancing in a red room was only a scene in Twin Peaks and not like the point.

So like once again, I have no clue what high school students want. I didn't understand Garden State and I'm totally at a loss with Napoleon Dynamite. At least Zach Braff is okay looking. Listening to mean losers talk about bo sticks, wolverine hunting, and ligers is not my idea of a good time.