Friday, April 07, 2006

Discussing a Dilemma

Wagsy: Um ... what do you think we should do? Should we tell him?

Buffy: Oh my god, he totally knows already. Right? I mean who couldn't know. It's like totally obvious.

Wagsy: Um ... um ... I don't think he does know.

Buffy: It's got to be an act right? Like even Jessica Simpson back when she was a charming ditz wasn't so dim.

Pudgie: I think you are forgetting that Goofball is still a very young bear with little worldly experience. I don't think he has ever encountered the concept of pregnancy.

Wagsy: I think Pudgie is right about that. Goofball has seen babies in The Incredibles and Monsters Inc, but um ... I don't think anyone is pregnant in those films.

Buffy: I still can't believe it. I thought it was a totally charming act he just put on. I feel so ... betrayed.

Pudgie: How could you possibly feel betrayed by pure and innocent naivety?

Buffy: Like he seems like a down bear. You know you've seen it. His witty banter is hip, you know? But like if you're not picking up on the fact that Harriet is pregnant, you must be like missing out on a lot of things. Like maybe Goofball is one of those telethon kids.

Wagsy: Um ... I think you're being a little bit hard on Goofball. He says a lot of smart things.

Buffy: Like that might be the case, but this is most aggregious. Check this out, "Hey Platy! Come over here."

Platy: H-h-h-i-i, Buffy. Do you want to play hide and seek?

Buffy: Like maybe later, kid. Like I want to ask you a question, and it is like really important. Have you noticed anything different about Harriet?

Platy: She's becoming round like me. But she isn't brown or upside down like me.

Buffy: Do you know why Harriet is getting round?

Platy: Harriet is going to have puppies.

Buffy: See, like this totally proves my point. Even Platy knows Harriet is pregnant.

Wagsy: Um ... um ...

Pudgie: The aardvark provides a powerful demonstration of her point.

Wagsy: Um ... I think we're in more trouble than I thought.

Buffy: You think?! What was your first hint? How about the fact that Harriet looks like she is smuggling watermelons, the bed is overrun by a body pillow, the guest room has baby stuff in it, and Goofball still couldn't get a clue if someone told him Ms. Scarlet in the Lounge with the knife?!

Wagsy: Um ... so ... um ... who is going to tell him? You want to do it, Buffy?

Buffy: As if! Did you like pick me because I am a woman and supposed to be all nurturing and stuff? This aardvark is 100% attitude. I'm totally the wrong person to tell Goofball that he is being a doofus.

Pudgie: Once again, Buffy illustrates her point forcefully. While I would not relish the job, I will volunteer for the task. The mysteries of life and biology are an important and fascinating lesson for a young bear. The isomorphisms between fetal chordates is really quite remarkable. In fact, it is difficult to distinguish between many species until --

Wagsy: Um, thanks for volunteering Pudgie, but maybe we can find someone a little more ... um ... a little less ... um ... a ... um ... help me out here, Buffy.

Buffy: Eggheaded?

Wagsy: Um ... I was looking for a nicer word.

Pudgie: This household never ceases to amaze. If anyone needs me, I will be reading Hume in the study.

Wagsy: Um ... have you seen Platy?

Buffy: Maybe he's playing hide and seek. Like I sometimes wonder if he's playing the game solitaire.


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