Happy birthday, Harriet

Um … hello!  I hope you are all doing well.  I haven't posted in a while.  Um … how long has it been? Um … ooh!  I haven't posted since Sunday, February 3rd, 2008!  Um … that is a very long time.  Matthew hadn't been born yet and he's ten now.  I should talk to management about not being such a pillowhead and helping us out with the blog more.

[Editor: I'm helping you type this right now, Wagsy.  If you have something to say, say it.]

Well, I do appreciate you helping me type, right now.  But do you think that you could do that a little more often?  Like maybe at least once between general elections.  A decade is a long time.  Obama wasn't even President yet!  Oooff!!  Things have really changed.

[Editor: You don't need to tell me about it, Wagsy.]

True, true.  I'm not going to blame you for our current political predicament.  But I will blame you for the lack of posts on this blog.

[Editor: Fine.  But I am helping you now.  Do you really want to spend your time complaining about how I don't help you blog?]

Um … does that mean I can call you a cheese cake butt?

[Editor: I think you can do that whatever topic you pick.]

True! True.  The pillowhead speaks the truth.

[Editor: Didn't you have something more pressing to discuss, Wagsy?]

Oh, yes, yes.  Yes, I did.  Tomorrow … or is it today?  When do you think you will get around to posting this?

[Editor: At the rate you are going, you might end up saying "yesterday".]

Okay, okay.  Um … around this time of year it is Harriet's birthday.  I have been with her a very long time.  We've been through everything together.  Cuddles and tears.  Blanket forts and taking care of sick kids.  Triumphs and children.

[Editor: Isn't the pattern of your prose good thing followed by bad thing?]

Um … what's your point?

[Editor: You said "Triumphs and children".]

Yeah, yeah.  I did.

[Editor: Really, Wagsy?]

Um … Ozzie, do I really need to explain this to you?  Take a look in the mirror.  Your eyes are so sunken and bloodshot that they look like the Mount Doom in Mordor.

[Editor: Nice Lord of the Rings reference and fair point.  Moving on.]

Um … where was I?  Um … oh, yeah, Harriet is my favorite person.  I'm very proud of her. Even with all her work and taking care of the kids, she still finds time to cuddle bears on the couch. Not everyone would do that.  She's taking care of herself and being thoughtful about the bears.  And she has done such a good job raising Ricky and Matthew.  Both of them love their stuffed animals so much.  You don't see that in every kid.  And she raised this caring and special children all by herself.

[Editor: Wait a minute!  I'm here.  I'm involved.  I help.]

Um … Ozzie, are you really going to claim credit for the boys loving teddy bears?

[Editor: Oh, no. I suppose not.]

That's what I thought.  Pillowhead.

[Editor: Are you seriously talking trash to me, dog?]

Um … has that stuffing in your head migrated to your ears so you can't hear?  … Oooh!  Put me down, you big bully!

[Editor: That's it.  We're going to bed.]

Not yet!  Not yet!  I need to wish Harriet a happy birthday!

[Editor: Okay, but make it quick.  This has taken entirely too long.]

Um … happy birthday, Harriet!  I love you very much and I am so proud of you!