Saturday, July 16, 2005

Cleaning up the Mess

Sad as it is to say, I had to lay the smack down on some interloping teddy bears yesterday. Ozzie and Harriet come home in a week and we have to get this place straightened out. It looked like a hurricane struck the Bend with sheets and blankets and pillows scattered everywhere. I suppose that wasn't too bad, but when the free-loaders discovered Wagsy's Soft Surroundings catalogues and my copies of Gentlebears Quarterly things got ugly. I'm not possessive or anything. I like to share, but you have to respect my property. I know the article on new competitors to Woolite was hot, but that doesn't mean you have to go and rip it out. That is what set me off.

Don't get me wrong, I was sick of these hobo bears after the second day. Yeah, I thought Brother Bear might be worth a second viewing. I mean, there aren't many movies marketed directly to bears and I want to support my market niche, but how many times do we have to watch that flick? There are films worth re-watching like Dr. Strangelove or Monsters Inc and there are flicks, which might be worth viewing once, and there is trash, which isn't worth watching at all. Calling Brother Bear a flick was a stretch. So, I knew these cats were dumb as post and annoying to boot.

But that still leaves the challenge of getting rid of the fellas. Teddy bears are generally creatures of inertia and loathe to move, but these sorry excuses for polyester filling took the cake. I've seen more active elements in the righthand column of the periodic table. They weren't prone to move, they were just prone. Unfortunately, I am more of a lover than a fighter, so I couldn't just throw out the interlopers with the rest of the trash. Besides that would be rude and I am nothing if not an excellent host. So, I had to use my wiles.

I'm telling you ... a quick call to a taxi company and a false rumor about a clearance sale at Bed, Bath, and Beyond will work miracles.


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