Thursday, May 26, 2005


Cheerio. Gladstone Bear esquire at your service. While I may not be at the forefront of Furry Thoughts for Fuzzy Times, my quiet role in the bear bureaucracy is one of great importance. I manage the bear bank, where we teddy bears save our coinage. Perhaps in other settings I would be hedging funds or finessing options, but it is my solemn duty and honor to lend a guiding hand to teddy bear finances. I have often admired Pudgie's insight and Wagsy's gregariousness, but neither of my two esteemed colleagues possess the necessary investment acumen for managing teddy bear funds.

The committee on training and instruction decided that the young Misters Bear and Pi required tutelage in the world of money. I was only too happy to lend my services to the enterprise. One of my favourite activities is to teach fecund minds the value of self-restraint and discipline.

You can't have your cookie and eat it, too

The first lesson is that you cannot have your cookie and eat it too. Take for example my beautiful cookie. It is chewy and sweet and scrumptious. The mere aroma of my cookie could cause a palace guard to break stance and drool in anticipation. A cookie this exquisite should be cherished and savored. Precisely BECAUSE I cherish my cookie, I do not eat it. My cookie and I have been together for as long as I can remember. Much like the finest of wines, my cookie is much too valuable to be eaten. A less cultured and more impulsive person would have succumbed to temptation long ago. However, my self-restraint has been rewarded and I still possess my invaluable cookie.

A penny saved is a penny earned

The same principle can be applied to money. Take note, young bears, a penny saved is a penny earned. Some hedonistic bears would have you spend your money on ephemeral trifles such as cable tv, but do not succumb to such temptations. A solid reserve of coins can ensure that rainy days feature an umbrella and that the stitch in time arrives as scheduled and not a moment later.

A little known corollary to the rule is one hundred pennies saved is twenty nickels or four quarters earned. The reader might think I am daft for mentioning simple currency arithmetic, but such calculations are of the utmost importance to teddy bears. For when our bank overflows, our people offer assistance in exchanging our coinage for bills and other promissory notes. While the gesture is kind and perhaps genuine, past experience has taught me that such transactions are a poor deal for teddy bears. Too often the coins disappear and no bills are returned. The remaining coins from the exchange are returned to the bears, but by and large the bears are left with a steaming bowl full of nothing! Therefore, the prudent money manager ensures that no one stash of coins exceeds $1. Why, I have small stashes of coins in many tax havens across our globe. While I certainly enjoy my trips to Guernsey, Bermuda, and the Cayman Islands, the primary purpose of my travels to ensure the fiscal security of our teddy bear clan.


Blogger Goofball said...

Hey there. I'm kinda the new bear on the block, but isn't Pudgie an economist? That would imply he knows something about finance.

10:26 PM  
Blogger Buffy said...

Like, oh my god Gladstone. You're like way off on this one. The boat is like in Hawaii and you're waiting for it in Providence or somewhere equally lame.

You like never let me spend money on trendy clothes saying that they will be out of fashion when the season is over and I'll like be asking for a whole new wardrobe. Hello! That is like the whole point. If you want to achieve stardom, you have to invest in your wardrobe.

I'll never become an It-Aardvark with just one t-shirt.

10:31 PM  
Blogger Wagsy said...

Um ... hello, Gladstone. Thank you for posting. I thought it was very nice. We really appreciate you taking the time to teach Bear and Pi about money, and then taking the time to post on the blog.

But ... um ... why ... um ... how ... um ... ooh, this is hard to nicely ... um, why are you talking stuffin' about cable TV? The more channels we have the better TV watching becomes. We could watch animal planet, the home shopping network, the discovery channel. Yeah, yeah. So many good shows. It is entertaining and it's educational. Education will stick with us. And so does the entertainment because we like running gags. I've been calling Ozzie a pillowhead for years now.

But ... um, I still think it was really nice of you to post.

10:36 PM  
Blogger Gladstone said...

Dear Goofball. My dear fellow, Pudgie is an academic. He has THEORETICAL knowledge about the workings of markets, but no practical experience. He might possess the talent and temperment to be a successful banker, but he shows neither the inclination nor the necessary drive.

And to Buffy, my dear, you are a lovely aardvark but a tad, shall we say, materialistic? Surely you know that the clothes do not make the aardvark. Why even without my zippy smoking jacket, my good upbringing and refined tastes would be apparent. You should have faith in your personality and not obsess about frivilous things like clothing.

And last but not least, dear Wagsy, there are many ways for a teddy bear to be entertained and educated without resorting to cable TV. Books are just as engaging, more educational, and do not involve incurring recurring expenses.

I thank you all for your interest in my post. Perhaps I will venture into cyberspace again some time.

10:43 PM  
Blogger Buffy said...

Okay, now you've got me mad. Clothing is not frivilous. It is a way for me to like express my personality. I'm a complicated aardvark and it is easier to show off my multi-faceted self by combining the proper accessories.

And like where do you get off calling ME materialistic when you're like a banker and have totally fetishized your cookie. What's up with that anyway? It's like a cookie. What good is it if you don't eat it?

10:47 PM  
Blogger Goofball said...

Oooh, Buffy is maaaad. Go get him, girl!

10:48 PM  
Blogger Gladstone said...

My dear, Buffy. I certainly intended no offense in my comment. I think you are a perfectly charming aardvark and hold you in the highest esteem. I merely wanted to suggest that your sparkingly personality did not require an entirely new wardrobe every season for your fan base to recognize your obvious charms.

As for my cookie, it is not LIKE a cookie, it IS a cookie.

10:52 PM  

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