Friday, February 10, 2006

Zebra Invasion!

Um ... hello! It was a very busy week here in the bed. Harriet and Ozzie spent a lot of time at work, so we had to entertain ourselves. Usually that isn't very hard, because, well, we like napping, and cuddling, and reading, and napping some more, and singing, and, did I mention that we like napping? Yeah, yeah. But for some reason, one of us decided to open the door and some small furry creatures rushed into the house! Oooh! It was very scary. We could hear rustling and things breaking in the kitchen, but we didn't know what to do.

I wanted to hide. There I said it. I did. I did want to hide. Under the covers. Nothing can get you when you are under the covers. It is true, you know. Bed sheets are sprinkled with pixie dust that keeps monsters away. It was probably just mice downstairs and I don't think sheets work against mice, but just in case they were monsters, I wanted to hide under the covers.

Goofball and Buffy wanted to go welcome our new visitors ...

Buffy: Like what type of hosts would we be if we didn't go downstairs and say hello? Like we'd be totally lame hosts.

Goofball: I agree with the aardvark. We don't get very many visitors in The Bend and we should hold onto everyone who comes through this door. I don't care who it is. I'd give a big hug and a high five to Paul Reubens if he stepped into the room right now.

Buffy: Oh my god, wasn't he like that disturbed man-child actor from the 80s? Like I don't know what I'd do if I met him because like he used to be a star and hot, but then it turned out that he was a real creep and he isn't really famous anymore. And you'd think that the creep unfamous part would win out, but he liked entertained a generation of young children and I totally loved his performance in Buffy the Vampire Slayer. That death scene still cracks me up.

Goofball: Yeah, we all know how you feel about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy.

Buffy: Like I don't know where you are going with that, but like I'm going to cut you off right there, cuz I was like named waaaaaay before 1992. I don't like to talk about how old I am, because I think what is important is how old you feel on the inside and stuff, but I am totally not named after the movie. I just like it. They could have named the main character "Jessica" and I still would have liked it. It wouldn't have been as good a movie or anything, but it still would have been entertaining.

Goofball: Okay, okay. Just sayin' you like the movie.

Buffy: As if. Whatever. Like what are we going to do about the ruffians downstairs?

Wagsy Um ... I still think we shoud hide. Maybe they will be get tired and leave us alone. Or maybe they will get tired and take a nap. I like meeting new people when they are napping.

Goofball: You don't get out much, do you?

Wagsy: Um, no, no I don't.

Goofball: It shows. That is one of the worst ideas I have heard. Now don't get me wrong, I like napping as much as the next bear, but you can't meet someone for the first time when they are napping. Everyone seems nice napping. I bet if you took a picture of Hitler and Ghandi napping, they would both look pretty sweet. It was what they were doing when they were awake that made the difference!

Wagsy: Yeah, but, um ..., how do we know they are nice? There is a lot of activity going on downstairs and, um ... breakage. We might not have bear friendly visitors.

Goofball: I reckon that Wagsy has a point there. We are left with something of a connumdrum. Iffin we go downstairs and meet our uninvited guests, then we might be turned into bird nestin' material.

Wagsy: Oooh!

Goofball: But if we don't go downstairs and see what is cookin', then maybe we will miss out meeting someone nice.

Buffy: Or famous.

Goofball: Or famous. I dont see how we get around this dilemma.

Pudgie: May I suggest an expedition?

Wagsy: Oooh, an expedition sounds nice. Are we going to run away from the vistors?

Pudgie: (sigh) A small bear experienced in travel and espionage could sneak downstairs, see what is going on, and report back to us on the situation. You could then make a more informed decision as to whether to greet the new arrivals.

Goofball: I knew there was a reason we called you Professor!

Buffy: Like you mean it's not just a reference to Gilligan's Island? Like I always thought that Pudgie was the professor, I was Ginger, and Amelia was Mary Ann. Gladstone is Thurston Howell III and like I was never quite sure who was Mrs. Howell. But like it all worked out pretty well before that, you know?

Pudgie: I am offended to be mentioned in the same sentence as a character from Gilligan's Island. I am a scholar, not some ridiculous, over used archetype on a hackneyed sitcom that was trite before its time.

Goofball: Whooo-wee! Buffy seems to have touched a nerve there, professor. Drop those coconuts, Gilligan! That joke never got old. Don't feel bad though, Pudgie, at least you were the smart one on the island. Poor stuffy over there was likened to the Millionaire. Hey, you got an opinion on the subject of Gilligan's Island, Stuffy?!

Gladstone: I am making a concerted effort to ignore your humdrum conversation and take solace in the pink pages of the Financial Times.

Pudgie: Once again I made the mistake of interacting with you cretins and trying to be helpful.

Goofball: You know what they say about doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome.

Pudgie: That was Einstein and I am retiring to my study.

Goofball: Getting back on target, I think Pudgie's idea is great and I nominate the bunny.

Wagsy: I second the nomination. Um ... what did we nominate George for?

Goofball: To go downstairs and see who or what is going on.

Wagsy: Ooh! Not my George. What if they try to eat him?

Goofball: He's a trained CIA agent, he won't get caught.

Wagsy: Um ... do we know this for a fact? I mean, I've always kind of suspected that he is a CIA agent, but ... um ... what would one be doing here? I mean, we aren't exactly a hot bed of subversives. But ... what if something happens to George? I would never forgive myself.

Goofball: He's a grown bunny. Why don't you let him make the decision?

Wagsy: Um ... okay. That seems fair. Where is he? George? Geor-ge! I don't know where my bunny is.

Um ... I didn't know it at the time, but George had already sneaked downstairs to see what was causing the commotion. He's very brave. I'm still not convinced he's a CIA agent, but it is possible.

Um ... when George came back he told us that zebras had invaded the house. At first we were very excited, but then he said that they were feral zebras and running amuck. We had a zebra infestation! We've never been infested with zebras before. I've been up to my neck in pillows (that was nice) and I've been in a room full of Wagsys (oh, that was really nice), but I have never seen a wild zebra infestation. Um ... come to think of it, I do't think I have ever met a feral teddy bear before either.

So we decided to go downstairs and meet our house guests, but they weren't really in the mood for talking. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how many zebras were in the house. They were running all over the place and hard to count. We finally cornered two zebras and I tried to say greet them in a way they would understand.

Greeting the new recruits

What better way to say hello than with a lobster on your head? I think it is really a pretty universal symbol of hospitality. It's kind of like pineapples, only friendlier. Um ... I don't think the zebras understood because they ran off pretty quickly.

I don't know how we are going to explain this to Harriet and Ozzie.


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