Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Love is in the air

Um ... hello! How are you? Um ... we're doing pretty well here at Furry Thoughts for Fuzzy Times. Yeah, yeah. Ozzie told Goofball that he loved him. Oooh, it was very sweet. It represents a real detente in our relationship with Ozzie. Usually he's kind of grumpy and unfriendly and ... um ... well, a pillowhead. He once told me that he would rather spend an evening eating glass popsicles and listening to Wagnerian opera performed by middle schoolers rather than talk to me for five minutes. I don't think he meant it, but it wasn't a very nice thing to say. I happen to like chatting and everyone I talk to agrees that I am very good at it.

Um ... hmmm ... um ... where was I? Oh yeah, Ozzie loves Goofball. You know, that moment made my heart go pitter-pat. It's so nice to see a grown man bond with his bear. But ... um ... it also made me a little sad because Ozzie has never said that he loves me. In fact, he ... um ... has gone out of the way to say that he doesn't love me. The closest he has ever come to paying me a compliment is saying that I would make a very quiet door stop. Um ... yeah, I didn't like the sound of that very much either. But you know, he doesn't actually use me as a Swiffer. And he helps us blog. And he helps design our t-shirts. I think his actions speak louder than his words. Oooh, oooh, you might even say that his bark is worse than his bite. ... That's funny because I'm a dog. ... um ... no one seems to be laughing at my joke. Um ... moving on, if Ozzie is feeling weak and being free with the sweet nothings, then I figure I should strike while the sheets are clean.

Ozzie! Oooh, Ozzie! Ooooooozie! Ozzie!

Ozzie: I'm right here, Wagsy.

So you are. Fancy that. How are you today?

Ozzie: A little tired, but nothing out of the ordinary.

A little tired are we? ... (Watch how I subtlely move in for the pounce) ... Are you tired of all the games people play ... um ... you know, saying one thing and acting another?

Ozzie: Maybe. Really, I just did a lot of data cleaning today. I didn't interact with people much.

So ... um ... you're seeking the love and companionship of a loyal bear?

Ozzie: No. No, I was thinking of maybe catching the tail end of a basketball game. Maybe catch up on some correspondence.

Say you love me, Ozzie!

Ozzie: No, --

No, you won't say it, but you actually mean it?

Ozzie: No, --

Oooh, oooh! So you will say it! He just said it.

Ozzie: I said no such thing. This place is crazy.

But you don't deny it, do you? Oooh, oooh! He's not denying it! He's not denying it.

Ozzie: I don't love you, Wagsy!

I don't believe it. I'll make you answer a simple question. Do you love me?

Ozzie: No.

Um ... just answer my question, Ozzie. Do you love me?

Ozzie: No.

Let's see, what did Goofball ask next? ... okay, I'll speak very slowly so you can understand me, cheesecake butt (I just threw that part in), do ... you ... um ... love me?

Ozzie: No! And will you please leave me alone?!

What's wrong, Ozzie? You told Goofball you loved him the other day.

Ozzie: Wagsy, I'm not in the mood for this game right now. Please just -- OW! What on Earth was that?

Um ... George came to defend my honor! I love my bunny George. And he must love me because he came to protect me!

Ozzie: That really hurt. That freakish bunny of your just punched me in the eye!

Yeah, yeah, he does that sometimes. He spars with Lobby and he gets mad when he loses staring contests. Yeah, George is the enforcer of the household. ... And he did it just for me!

Ozzie: I think he scratched my cornea. My eye really hurts.

Um ... are you okay, Ozzie?

Ozzie: No, I'm not okay.

He didn't mean to hurt you. At least I don't think he meant it.

Ozzie: What you mean? The bunny jumped up and punched me in the eye. ... What am I saying? I just got beat up by a frickin' stuffed bunny! ... I'm going downstairs.

Goodbye, Ozzie! I hope your eye feels better.

Um ... that conversation didn't go quite as I planned. Um ... Ozzie didn't say that he loves me, but George defended me. Oooh, I love my bunny. George usually looks grumpy and doesn't say that he loves me, but I know that he does. Actions speak louder than words you know.

Oooh, oooh! And Ozzie gave me George. That must mean that he loves me, too! Oh, this has been a very good day.

I love you, Ozzie!

Ozzie: Get bent you over stuffed bath mat!

Well, that wasn't a very nice way to end the post. Was it?


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