Thursday, March 03, 2005

Aardvark glamor shots

Okay, so I found this really amazing photographer. He's like really talented and spends a lot of time making sure that I look fabulous in every shot. He listens to my needs and keeps chocolate covered ants around for when I get the munchies between sittings. I'm trying to build up a modeling portfolio, so that I can snag modeling gigs. I might seem kinda flighty, but I'm really commited to stardom and fame (I don't need fortune, because like I'm totally not materialistic -- how shallow do you think I am?). I know I need to pay my dues and work my way up the celebrity foodchain. So, like I'll start modeling around South Bend at the RV show or something. Like, who wouldn't want to buy an RV when an attractive aardvark is modeling next to it? Aardvarks scream unique, but sensible. Perfect for middle America, don'tcha think?

So, like here are two of my favorite pictures. I think I look totally hot.

Don't I look, like so bored with the world? The urbane aardvark.
The self-referential t-shirt shot. I haven't seen Paris Hilton do this yet. I've totally beaten her to the punch.

Doesn't the t-shirt totally fit me perfectly? I thought Ozzie had it like tailor-made for me, but no. Apparently, I am exactly the size of a large dog. Who knew? People must not dress really big dogs or something. Bizarro! I mean, people will like take pictures of dogs playing poker, but won't dress them up in an aardvark fabulous t-shirt. I think a St. Bernard would look cute in an t-shirt with my face on it. People are wicked strange.

How did you like my use of the word "wicked?" I saw Good Will Hunting the other night on DVD, and I thought the word wicked was wicked cool. So, like I'm adopting it as part of the aardvark vernacular.

Like, now that I know a store with clothes that fit me perfectly, I'm totally gonna abuse Ozzie's credit card. I've never worn clothes before, cuz like aardvarks don't really need to. But I've always been way into accessories. A t-shirt is just one more accessory, but one with my face on it, so it is awesome. I love it!

*sigh* Don't I look gorgeous in these pictures? These photos are wicked.


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