Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Ask Professor Pudge Bear

I apologize for not posting more frequently. I have been very busy assisting Ozzie and Harriet with dissertation writing. I cannot fathom how seven years of study has come down to one final week in which to submit dissertations, but both of them have managed the feat. Sigh. Thankfully, I believe both of them will manage to turn in something worthwhile on Monday, but it has been a long and hard haul for this old bear.

The only reason I have time to blog is that Ozzie is in New Haven and Harriet is asleep. I thought I would take this opportunity to answer some of the e-mail that has accumulated over the past few weeks.

From: Angelfire Princess

Dear Fuzzy Thoughts for Furry Times,

Your site is very cute. I especially like Goofball. He's cute and funny. I wish my boyfriend could write such excellent haikus. Instead, all he sends me are notes like,

Wanna french kiss after school behind the parking lot?

Yes ____ No ____ (Check One).

Why can't more boys be like Goofball?

Thank you for the kind words, Ms. Princess. I agree with your assessment of Goofball. He possesses a raffish charisma that is quite agreeable. Goofball's genial ramblings are coquettish, yet entirely gentlemanly and endearing. I fear that no person best described as a "boy" could approximate his charm. You are well advised to avoid dating until age 25 (and even then, you should be particular in whom you date).

From: Fosters Drinker

Teddy bears are for losers. Get stuffed.

While I might derive some reptilian pleasure from a ribald exchange of insults, I fear that Mr. Drinker would prove no challenge for a maladroit, pathologically shy third grader speaking in a second language. Teddy bears are a subset of stuffed animals. By definition, we have been stuffed. One of the many problems with the internet is that the hoi polloi are given free reign.

From: Josh Marshall

Dear Professor Pudge Bear,

Do you have any thoughts on the proposed plans to reform Social Security?

While I do personally have thoughts on the privatization of Social Security, my views on the subject are qua economist rather than qua teddy bear. Furry Thoughts for Fuzzy Times is not the proper venue for airing my views since the blog is dedicated to the teddy bear perspective. Teddy bears have few needs, wants, and interact with the public world in limited capacities. If teddy bears have a unique perspective on Social Security, it is that people should generally be cared for. Whether the source of income stems from private accounts or a "pay as you go" plan is not something a teddy bear qua teddy bear would care much about.

Thank you very much for your attention. Please feel free to email me questions using the "Email Us" link on the left. I will try to respond in a timely fashion. The dissertations will be finished on Monday, so my life will resume its stately pace.


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