Super Hero Bears?

Um ... hello. Last night we all watched The Incredibles. You'd think that family movie night would be relaxing, but really family movie nights can be a bit ... um ... chaotic ... sometimes. Well ... um ... most times. Every step of the process is a matter of careful negotiation.

Step 1: Decide to watch a movie. Ozzie usually wants to work and isn't sure that he has time for a movie. Harriet is tired and isn't sure she can stay up for an entire movie. The bears usually want to see a movie, but we seldom get listened to.

Step 2: Decide on the particular movie to watch. Oooh, this can be problematic. Pudgie prefers documentaries. Buffy would like a Brad Pitt movie, but something with good looking people will usually do. Goofball wants a movie with a good soundtrack. My bunny George likes action movies, preferably spy films. Ozzie wants to watch a GOOD movie and complains that all the recent selections are ... um ... not good. I don't know what he is talking about. I'd say that any movie where we all cuddle together is a good movie. Harriet starts to get a headache from all the bickering and puts in whatever movie is closest to the DVD player.

Step 3: Decide who gets to watch the movie. Um ... this decision isn't entirely straightforward sometimes. Ratings systems aren't really made with teddy bears in mind. We're not quite sure what to do with the age guidelines. For instance, I've only had my bunny George for 16 months, but he acts older than I do. Usually we try to get as many bears as possible to watch the movie, but there is only so much space available on the sectional in front of the TV. Harriet gets all cuddled up with the bears and then Ozzie complains there is no room for him. Sometimes he moves the bears. Sometimes he sits on the floor. Sometimes he goes upstairs and works. Pillowhead.

Step 4: To popcorn or not to popcorn. Oooh, this can be very hairy (which is different from furry). Harriet likes to munch on popcorn, but we bears are a little leery of popcorn. First off, there are crumbs. Crumbs attract bugs and are the enemy of soft fur. There is also usually butter associated with popcorn. Butter is the root of all evil. Um ... maybe not, but it sure isn't good for the fur and it gets all over Harriet's hands, so we don't want to cuddle with her. Ooh, watching movies is fraught with tension. It is enough to make a bear take a nap.

But once we get past these hurdles, we can sit down and enjoy the movies. The Incredibles was unusual in that we all liked it.

Goofball: Yeah, I liked the movie. What's wrong with that? Just because it's animated doesn't mean it can't be a good movie. There was action, there was adventure, and there were costumes that I'd look good in. I don't think I'd do much crime fighting. I'd be the guy who sits back in headquarters and tells people where to go.

Buffy: Oh, my god. Like this movie is the first movie to really give fashion designers their due. I mean most movies totally bypass the crucial role fashion designers play in keeping our country safe. I mean, where would the family have been without those adorable suits designed by Edna Mole? I mean, Elastigirl wouldn't have been able to track down Mr. Incredible when he was in trouble. Her clothes wouldn't have stretched, so she'd be like wearing baggy clothes like some dude who hangs out by a convenience store all day. The teen age daughter would totally have been caught because her clothes would have still be visible. And the son would have like ignited his pants when he was running. You would have had a show with nearly naked super heroes on an island getting totally beat up by the bad guys. That would have made for a lame movie. And I think a sense of fashion is totally necessary for a superhero. Would juries have ruled against superheroes in court if their outfits had been more fashionable? I don't think so. So, like I really dug the movie.

Pudgie: I found the movie to be an interesting exploration of superhero genres. I use the plural because the movie uses, critiques, and evolves the tropes found in both the comic book and movie formats. The Incredibles situated the viewer in a decidedly 1950s America, but drew out the universal aspects of the setting so that the film seemed fresh, alive, and relevant to today's society. I also enjoyed the multi-layered story telling utilized in the movie. Many movies appeal to both children and adults, but The Incredibles managed to weave together entirely different strands of stories essentially creating two parallel movies: an action movie aimed at children and a mid-life crisis movie aimed at adults.

Duck: Quack, quack quack quack. Quack QUACK quack quACK.

Um ... I liked it, too. But, um, I became distracted by a disturbing thought. Should superhero children have teddy bears? I generally believe that all children should have teddy bears, but I fear for the safety of any teddy bear owned by Jack-Jack. Um ... polyester and flames don't exactly go together. I mean a teddy bear should cuddle with its owner, but what is the owner is prone to bursting into flames? Oooh, it's very disturbing. Maybe the parents should talk to Edna about making a teddy bear resistant to: flames; lasers; friction; and crashing cars. Um ... you better make the teddy bear able to turn invisible too so the baby doesn't have to choose between holding onto the teddy bear for comfort and getting caught by bad guys. And while Edna's at it, she might want the teddy bear able to float through walls so Jack-Jack can take the teddy bear with him when he bounces around.

Wow. And I thought Bear and Pi had fancy "all new fibers." Wow. That would be a superbear. It would probably be kind of expensive though. I don't think you'd could buy it at Toys R US for $10. But, um, it would be worth it. Every child needs a bear. Even super children.

(whisper)

Um ... I'm not meaning to imply that all children aren't super. They are all super, except the messy bear destroying ones. I'm talking about children with special powers like laser beam eyes. I haven't ever met one, but now I know what type of teddy bear to get one.