Saturday, December 03, 2005

So Harshly Denied

So like this website with a kinda offensive name has everyday people review movies. I totally missed the inappropriate name. The website I went to was, which is like a perfectly fine name and I wasn't doing anything wrong. I saw that it was affiliated with HBS, but the meaning was over my head. Or maybe it was beneath me. Whatever. The point is that I didn't know there was anything misogynistic. I mean, like I thought "HBS" stood for "Harvard Business School" which isn't my cup of mocha latte, but it completely the level of high end brand name that I want to associate myself with. Hello! All it said was part of the "HBS network".

Whatever. Like the point is that they are conducting this awesome contest for new reviewers. And I was like all over it cuz I review movies and they get thousands and thousands of eyez every day, so like it would really raise my on-line profile. And like submitting an entry would be like a slurping ants in a sweets shop since I am totally experienced and have an awesome portfolio of movie reviews. So I needed to provide one positive and one negative review. I decided to go for my review of Ocean's Eleven because like I understand that movie better than anyone else on the planet. I mean a lot of people just don't evaluate it on the right criteria (a reminder to the girlz out there without a pulse ... George and Brad and Andy look *sizzling* hot). And then I thought my review of Ocean's Twelve might work for the negative review since the movie blew chunks. Oh my god was it bad. And like reviewing both movies would give the reader a sense of completeness. And it would let the critic judge dude know that I don't like a movie just because it has Brad or George in it. I mean, I have really high standards and I wanted to show that off. So I liked I pressed "Submit" and waited for the good news.

Like here is what they sent back:

Hi from HBS Entertainment,

Recently you submitted an application to become a reviewer at eFilmCritic/HollywoodBitchslap. We regret to inform you that your application has been rejected. Our system is geared toward only letting in the finest applicants, based on the opinions of our submissions panel. To help you improve any future submission, however, we have included their comments below.

We don't really go for reviewers who write "in character." We like honest, real voices.

Like, not a chance.

Please note that if you do choose to reapply, you must use the form on
the webpage again, as we cannot accept any submissions via email.

Thanks for your interest in our site!

HBS Submission Team

That is so harsh. I guess I'm glad that they read the reviews and everything, but I can't tell if they're using "like" to mock me or compliment me. But what really yanks my tail is that they are questioning my sincerity. What do they mean by "in character?" As if. Like I'm totally on the level. I'm the same aardvark I've always been. My semi-C-list-celebrity status has absolutely not gotten to my head. Like I'm totally keeping it real. To like reject my application that is fine, but to question my character is just flat out rude.

Whatever. I'll move on. I didn't think I'd land the gig in the first place, but I didn't think I would be so harshly dissed. Their loss.


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