Happy Birthday, Harriet!

Um ... hello! Today is a very special day in the bed. Today is Harriet's birthday. Yeah, yeah. We're all very excited. We have a lot planned for today. We all worked together and tried very hard to show Harriet how much we love her. She knows that we love her every day, but birthdays are a good time to make the special effort and go the extra mile.

Of course, um ... teddy bears aren't very good at going the extra mile. We have very short legs and we ... um ... like to take naps, which gets in the way of walking an extra mile and ... um ... well, we're not very mobile. So we have to rely on the cheesecake butt to help us. That ... um ... poses a problem for us bears. You see, Ozzie isn't always the most reliable assistant to the bears. He ... um ... sometimes forgets things like, well, Christmas, or birthdays. Um ... he buys Harriet presents from him, but he doesn't always remember to help us out. Pillowhead.

Um ... anyways, this year we were going to cash in all the change in the bear bank and buy Harriet a body pillow. Ooh, it looks verrry soft. It is made out of space age poly-mers and responds to body heat. It is like a bigger version of Goofball without a head or arms or legs. Um ... actually, it doesn't look like Goofball at all, but we think Harriet will enjoy sleeping with it. But it took us a while to come to this concensus.

Buffy: Okay, guys, like what are we going to buy Harriet for her birthday? It's like totally coming up, you know. We better like move fast or we'll miss it like a near sighted baseball player.

Wagsy: Um ... does anyone have any good idea?

Platy: I think we should get her an airplane. You can go places in those.

Wagsy: Oooooh! That is a good idea, Platy. Harriet likes to travel. I don't know where we would park a plane, but I suppose that is Ozzie's concern.

Buffy: Like I think that an airplane would be totally crunk, I mean only the truly wealthy and successful celebrities have their own plane, but like I don't think we can afford it.

Goofball: I agree with the aardvark, good idea what there is no way we can afford it. Stuffy! How much money do we have in the bank? Enough to buy a plane?

Gladstone: Surely, you jest. We couldn't possibly have more than fifty US dollars in our bank.

Goofball: Okay, so the plane is out. Anyone else have any ideas?

Duck: Quack quack quack quack quack. QuaCK QUAck quack. Quack, quACK quack quaCK. QUACK! QUACK! Quack.

Goofball: I hear what you're sayng, Duck, but I'm not sure I understand. Hasn't that been done before?

Moose: Moose!

Buffy: Like we need to get Harriet something that really spoils her and makes her feel like a princess. But like the whole prob is that you can't really do that for fifty dollars. I mean, like an hour at a good masseuse costs more than that and that like disappears when you hour is over.

Amelia: What about a body pillow?

Wagsy: Ooooh! A body pillow. That sounds nice. Um ... what is a body pillow?

Amelia: It is a pillow you sleep with to keep your spine in alignment. It stretches from your head to your knees and you wrap your body around it.

Buffy: That is a totally fabulous idea, Amelia.

Goofball: Wait a minute here. Wait just one minute. It sounds to me that with a pillow in the bed, that means less bedtime cuddling for the rest of us. Actually, it means less bed time cuddling for George and myself since we are the ones Harriet sleeps with most of the time. I don't like the idea of being replaced by a polyurethane pilon!

Moose: Moose!

Wagsy: Now, Goofball, we all have to make some sacrifices in order to make Harriet happy.

Goofball: You're just saying that because Harriet will stop stealing your bunny if she gets the pillow. Well, I ain't gonna stand for this type of insult. I'm being displaced and I am NOT happy about it.

Buffy: Like chill out, Goofball. Like no one is going anywhere or being replaced. You could come over and hang with Amelia and I when she uses the body pillow. Besides, the pillow goes between her legs; you're like up on her head and stuff. She can still wear you as a hat at night.

Wagsy: So everyone is agreed that we'll buy Harriet a body pillow?

Goofball: I still ain't happy about it.

Wagsy: Goofball.

Goofball: Oh, alright. You know I can't say no to that girl.

Um ... so we went to Ozzie with the gift idea. The only problem was that ... um ... Ozzie never got around to ordering it. He did research and even placed one in an on-line shopping , but he never hit purchase. Pillowhead. So the bears will have to wait to give Harriet her birthday gift.

But we can still wish her a happy birthday!

And we can give her a lobster!

Journeys with Platy: Washington, DC Part 3

I'm home now. The ride back in the plane was nice. Ozzie let me ride with him and not in the suitcase. It was cramped. It was loud. But it wasn't cold. The computer smooshed me against the sides. A book kept getting pushed into my face. It wasn't very comfortable. But Ozzie let me look out the window. Everything was grey. I thought the land lost its color when you go up high. Ozzie told me that those were the clouds. I had never seen clouds from up top before. Clouds look the same right side up and they do upside down. They look very soft.

People were happy to see me. They asked me lots of questions. I didn't know how to answer all of them.

Wagsy: Did you have a good time?

Platy: Yes.

Goofball: So, whatcha do? Where'd'ya'go? Whatcha see?

Platy: We went to the mall.

Buffy: Oh, my god! You went to Washington, DC and
went shopping? Like what did you get?

Platy: Uh, uh, uh, I saw shirts for sale.

Buffy: Totally give me the scoop! What were they like? How heavy was the cotton? Was it like super high
quality aardvark wear or was it that cheap stuff you can get for a dollar or two? What were the colors? Was it like the
same-old-same-old white and black, or were there totally hot new colors like papaya and aurora? Like totally tell me everything about the competition! Were there any aardvarks on the shirts?

Platy: Uh, uh, uh, I saw Squawky on a shirt.

Buffy: Oh, god, that is so cool! Squawky did you hear that?! You rock!

Squawky: Squawky?

Wagsy: Ooh, that is so exciting. Um ... are you sure that it was our Squawky and not some other eagle?

Buffy: Ya know, I'm a little offended that you didn't put your shirts up for sale on my site, but I like I totally understand. It's not like our sales team is working magic or anything. I'd totally dump my site for a better one. I love you guys, but I'll sell this aardvark's face to the highest bidder. Getting sales reps at tourist destinations like Washington, DC is like totally smart. You'll have to give me the name of your agent and distributor.

Squawky: Squawky?

Goofball: Hey ... hey, HEY! Everyone stand back and
give Platy some room to breathe. Little guy is hyperventilating. You okay?

Platy: Uh, uh, yeah.

Goofball: Anything else you want to share with us?

Platy: I'm brown. I'm round. And, I'm upside down.

I should travel more. People respect travellers. And I saw clouds from up top.

Journeys with Platy: Washington, DC Part 2

Hi. Today we went to the Mall. It was a lot bigger than any other mall I have been to. It didn't have a roof, but that was okay because it was sunny. It also had grass and gravel. Gravel is bad for fur. Ozzie carried me, so I felt safe.

It was a real mall. At first, I didn't think there were stores, then I saw all the food and t-shirts. You could buy a lot of t-shirts. My favorite t-shirt had an eagle on it. I liked it because it reminded me of Squawky. There some shirts that made jokes. I'm not really sure what they were about. I didn't think the shirts were funny.

The first thing I saw was the Washington Monument. It looks like a big pencil. Washington was famous for cutting down a cherry tree and standing up in a boat. The second thing we saw was the Lincoln Memorial. President Lincoln had a very big lap. You could fit all the bears in the country on that lap. Lincoln is famous for writing the emasculation proclamation and lived in a --

[Editor: Platy, I think you mean the emancipation proclamation.]

I-I-I don't know. I'm not really sure what the words mean. What's the difference?

[Editor: Well ... emancipate means to liberate or free. Emasculate ... uh ... it means to ... castrate?]

What does that word mean?

[Editor: Oh, well, ... uh ... it means to ... uh ... hmmm ... how do I put this delicately?]

You don't know how to define the word either, do you?

[Editor: No, Platy, no I don't.]

So Lincoln lived in a log cabin on Gettysburg Street and made a . . . proclamation. Is that right?

[Editor: Close enough, Platy.]

I liked the mall, but I thought it was too big. Everything was really big. Even the t-shirts were big. It made me feel very small. Did it make you feel small, Ozzie?

[Editor: Yes, I feel small every time I come to Washington. What was your favorite part of the day, Platy?]

I liked it when we walked by the White House. It is big and white. Movers and shakers work there.

[Editor: Why are you so fixated on "movers and shakers"?]

I like furniture.

[Editor: Was that a joke, Platy?]

I don't know. Was it funny?

[Editor: Uh, yeah, Platy, I suppose it was.]

Could you explain it to me?

Journeys with Platy: Washington, DC

H-h-h-i-i-i. Hi. I rode on a plane today. I thought it might be exciting, but it wasn't exciting at all. It was mostly loud and cold. And it made my ears pop. At first it was dark and warm and quiet in the suitcase, but then it got really noisy and cold. It was still dark though. And it made my ears pop. That's never happened before.

When it stopped being loud, the suitcase started to shake and move alot. I thought we must be passing the White House. Or Congress. Or the Supreme Court. There are a lot of movers and shakers in Washington. I asked Ozzie if we were passing the White House. He said we must have at some point. I think passing the White House was the highlight of my day.

Eventually, Ozzie opened the suitcase and let me see our hotel room. It doesn't smell like home. It's painted green, too. Nothing at home is painted green. Ozzie let me look out the window to see a big building. It is the Temple of Scottish Freemasonry. I don't understand how you could build a building that big for free.

Ozzie then put me on the bed to watch TV. We have cable. There are 78 channels to choose from. I wasn't sure what to watch. There were a lot of choices. Everyone spoke really fast. I wasn't sure what was going on. I decided to watch Telemundo. The people seemed really nice and they talked faster than anyone else on any other channel. Something bad must have happened, because they cried a lot. Sometimes they cried like they were happy. Sometimes they cried like they were sad. But they always spoke really fast.

Tomorrow, Ozzie says he's going to take me outside to see the sites. I'm very excited. Maybe we'll meet some movers and shakers. I'm good at shaking. I think I'll try to find the Austrailian embassy and let them know I am here. I think they lost track of me a long time ago. You know why?

Because I'm brown. I'm round. And I can't be found.

Good night, everybody.

Babies and Celebrity

So like is it just me, or should the world be worried that Britney Spears is a mother? Okay, so I should like state up front that I think people are unnecessarily harsh about her talent. I mean she isn't the world's greatest singer or maybe even a great singer, but if she were standing next to you at church or something you'd think, "Hey, that chick sings okay." And Britney's dance moves won't make people think of a young Paula Abdul, but she must be doing something right because guys are drooling over her, you know what what I'm saying? But motherhood is a totally different world altogether than singing and dancing. I mean it is a HUGE responsibility. I like Britney, but I'm not sure she is ready for this particular spotlight. I mean, it doesn't seem like she is at a stable point in her life. She still likes to party. Just today the Inquirer claimed that Britney was back drinking again. That type of behavior might be okay for a twenty-something diva, but it is definitely not cool for a mother.

Which brings me to a question that I have been asking for a few years now: Is it possible to be both a mega-watt celebrity and a parent? Madonna has taken a bit of a back seat now that she is the Material Mom. She thinks she's British now, too, but I don't think that has anything to do with motherhood. Maybe moving to England chilled her career, or maybe is that she finally got like way old, or like maybe she has run out of ideas, but it all seemed to coincide with parenthood.

Maybe it depends upon what type of celebrity you are. Like if you rely upon shocking people and wild lifestyles for your fame, then parenthood will totally end your career. Cuz like if you stop being crazy, then why would people pay attention? And if you continued to act all wild and stuff, then people would totally disapprove and think you are a way bad parent. But like celebrities are famous for something positive, like beauty or music or acting ability, then like you might be able to make it work for you. Heidi Klum was really hot and so people paid attention to her. And you'd think that pregnancy would interfere with hotness, but it totally hasn't. She literally worked her buns off and looks better than ever. Cindy Crawford did the same thing, so now she is the hot mom in the Pepsi ad. I bet she'd like to be doing something more than a Pepsi ad, but you gotta start somewhere, ya know? Pepsi spends a lot of money on advertising and like each time that ad shows it is an ad for Cindy and how good looking she is.

Maybe Britney will be a good mother. I mean Angelina Jolie wasn't exactly the poster girl for sanity when she adopted Maddox. She was married to Billy Bob Thornton, which should like disqualify anyone from parenthood until you get a doctor's note or something. He's super icky. Anyways, like the point is that Angelina is a super mom now. She looks totally devoted to Maddox and takes him everywhere. Maybe motherhood will bring out the best in Britney. You know push her from "still not a woman" to "like totally a woman."

Maybe, but if maybe's were coral, there would be a whole lot more coral reefs (and in weird places, too). I'm not holding my breath, but I hope she proves the paparazzi wrong again.

Dear Goofball

Goofball here. I've been letting the ol' inbox gather dust and now I'm up to my armpits in unreplied mail. I reckon that now is as good as time as any to rectify matters and issue replies.

Dear Goofball,

I think you're awfully cute. Were you born that cute or did you grow into it like Harrison Ford or Sean Connery?

Love, Bear Babe

Yeah, I started off with a softball letter. Who can blame a bear for wanting share a letter from an admirer? Don't worry, I'll get to tougher letters later on. But to answer the young lady's question, I was born this cute. I'd like to think that I'll grow cuter over time, but bears don't usually age well. Our fur gets matted down or torn out altogether. Our stuffin' starts to sag and our postures gets worse. Come to think of it, we all begin to look more like Ozzie. Zing! Onto the next letter ...

Goofball,

You must be suffering through a schitzophrenic football season. Notre Dame looks to be doing alright, but the Packers stink. How are you handling the contrasting emotions? Feel any different about Charlie Weis now that he has coached a few months?

--Football Fan

Good question. How do I feel about this football season? Hmm ... let me see ... you know, I don't much care. I'm more a football fan by necessity rather than by passion. I save my emotional investment for my friends and family members. When Wagsy gets dusty because Harriet throws him on the floor (by mistake, lest there by any doubt), you know, I get a little upset. But the Packers starting out 0-4 ain't nothing to get me riled up. I figured I would root for the Pack since they are publicly owned and in a small, cold town.

Now Charlie Weis is another story. He seems to be doing okay. The offense is potent and the defense is solid. But a lot of people seem to be annointing him a genius and the Goofball doesn't like to throw that term around. The man coaches football, which is a game and not to be confused with game theory. You can't win a Nobel Prize in football and there is a reason for that (and don't give me any nonsense about the awards being in Sweden where they don't play football). I'd like to remind people that my man Tyrone Willingham was doing just as well his first year at ND and they canned his sorry ass. I'm also bothered by the fact that Weis is driven around in a little cart everywhere. You had you stomach stapled, man, burn some calories by walking around!

Yo Goofball,

Ah bin reedin' 'bout Bushy-es Cort Nomi-nations. Ah reckin he put on one IV edukatd jerk and wanted to ballence it out with an underkwalified frend. What are yor thotts on the Nomi-nations?

Sinsearly, a reel berr

You know, some times it bugs the fibers out of me when I read letters from other bears. They just sound ignorant and quite frankly it is embarassing. Why can't teddy bears spell, huh? I know we have stuffing for bears, but we have to work past those handicaps. Now, I'm not a stick in the mud. I'm not like Pudgie or Gladstone; I make more liberal use of the vernacular. I also recognize that there are distinctive teddy bear idioms that are a valid form of self-expression. But how do you expect anyone to take your views seriously when you can't spell anything?

As for Harriet Miers, I'm not sure I have anything unique to add to the conversation. Miers is taking a lot of abuse from both the left and the right. I would feel sorry for her, but she's been nominated for one of the most powerful jobs in the land. She pretty much won the lottery. Besides, any woman who comes up through Texas politics is tough as nails and doesn't need anyone's sympathy.

Dear Goofball,

I was wondering if you had an opinion on cable versus satelite television? Both seem to have their plusses. Um ... mostly their plusses are the extra channels, so I suppose they would have dozens and dozens of plusses. Ooh, that would be verrry nice. Don't you agree?

-- A long time fan, first time writer

That cadence sounds awfully familar. Something tells me that Wagsy is agitating for more channels again. I'm all for the channels, but I wish he'd stop filling up my inbox. Follow Michael Jackson's advice: If you want to make the world a better place, start with the man in the mirror -- and the only man in this household is Ozzie. Send your cloying emails to him.

Goofball --

Halloween is coming up and I don't know what to wear. Do you have any good costume ideas?

-- Lost in Loserville

Hmm ... sounds like you need a boost in self-esteem, Lost in Loserville. So you should definitely pick a costume that makes you feel good about yourself. For most people, that means picking a costume where you look your sexiest. Harriet used to go as Ms Texas. Trying to look like a celebrity is usually a good call. I mean, who wouldn't look good dressed up like Angelina Jolie in Tomb Raider? Other people try to go for something cute and creative. Ozzie liked dressing up as a spider so he would have an extra four legs to dance with. One key is not to try too hard on the costume, cuz there is always a risk that the costume will bomb. And then where would you be? Feeling stupid because you wasted two days on a costume people think is lame. Put in just enough effort so people know what you are and then sit back and wait for someone to ask you to dance.

Well, that is about it from the Goofball. I know I promised the questions would get tougher, but what can I say , I lied to keep y'all reading until the end of the post.

Still spectating and speculating in the Bend.

Update on Rose, Tequila Teddy and Salt

Um ... we are really behind on our posts. I don't know why, but we haven't been able to find the time to write as much as we'd like. Ooh! There has been so much going on that it is hard to keep track of it all. But ... um ... before I get sidetracked, I thought I'd post updates on Rose and her teddy bears, who were in that awful hurricane.

The first update comes from our friends Teddy and Spaulding. Ooh, there person is very resourceful (editor: in comparison to anyone you know? Wagsy: Um ... no. No one I know ... pillowhead). Here is what they wrote:

As I've been worrying about Rose and her family, I felt guilty worrying about Tequila Teddy and J.D. too. OK, not guilty, because I was happy to know Rose got them out too, but more along the lines of wanting to give what we can directly to Rose and Gil, and not "wasting" on Tequila and J.D.! My conumdrum is that I am as attached to my bears as she is to hers, and, since they were such big helps, I didn't want them to go unrewarded!

Sooo, what to do?!I contacted my teddies and my favorite store in the whooooooooole world, Build-A-Bear Workshop, and asked them if they could donate New Orlean Saints uniforms or sweatshirts, knowing that even if Rose, Gil, Teddy and J.D. never go home again, New Orleans is always their home! At first, I got a nice general letter outlining what Build-A-Bear has been doing for the victims of Katrina (sent $30,000 to the area, had a big Workshop day in Houston, where they got volunteers to come in and help them make 1000 bears for the kids stuck in the Astrodome, and cutting prices for anyone in the country who wants to hold a party in their workshops so they can donate even more bears), so I assumed that they just wouldn't help anyone who contacted them. (Not upset, again, because it's the people who need the most help.) Well, this last week, I was sent another letter from the same bear-assistant at Build-A-Bear, and she sent us the two uniforms, so we could hold onto them until we know where and when Tequila Teddy and J.D. can accept their new clothes!!!! (My bears want to try them on, but they know they are for their good buddies, so can't!) We got help for those beary helpful bears just by explaining and asking!

Isn't that nice of Teddy and Spaulding's owner? Um ... I kn0w exactly how she feels about being worried about the teddy bears. I mean, teddy bears are around to take care of their people and don't really feel pain, but ... but ... you don't exactly want to see them washed away in a muddy, awful hurricane either. And that was really nice of Build-a-Bear to donate the jerseys. Um ... you would figure a company that builds teddy bears would be nice and it is good to see that it is true.

Then Rose and Teddy wrote to let everyone know how they are doing:

Dear wonderful friends, I am sending mucho hugs and gratitude to all who have been so concerned, generous and loving. I hope to get back in the swing of things soon and answer your wonderful emails and posts, but now I must leave my darling daughter to find an apartment and it is a long and scary task building a new life, especially for an agoraphobic with fibro, lol should be quite an adventure! and dear readers, hope to get back to writing about my experience at Garden Gumbo sometime, will keep you posted, please keep the prayers coming, do not forget about us...thank you so much....peace and love...

Hugs and misses, Rose

ps. TEDDY sez:HAYYYY bear buddeez I am tinkin of yew and all da fun wee will have wen i git bak frum morning my frenz. Even teddies git da blooz. Keep yur prayirz komin fur Mis Rose, she gitz kinda nutty sumtymez n i dont meen da gud treetz yew eatz neethur. Speekin of, if any buddee haz any xtra treetz send em c/o me TEDDY two po boxx 2tousind teen, anywhar USA hehehehehhehehhehe

Um ... I don't think Teddy gave the right PO Box. I've never used one before, but "anywhar USA" should have a zipcode. Shouldn't it? Anyway, it was good to see that Tequila Teddy kept his spirits up (um ... is that a pun? Editor: this is a family friendly site, so no, it isn't.).

Then Rose wrote again to wish the people in Hurricane Rita's path well. Given all she had been through, it was really nice of Rose to be worried about other people.

Hello everyone, I just want to ask you folks to send your prayers and hugs to all those in Rita's path in Texas and Louisiana this weekend. (That includes the DH who is still back in Baton Rouge.) I can't tell you how Rita is stressing me out, PTSD watching my beloved New Orleans flood again. I also received some pictures from Ole Salt that he took of our old neighborhood. I hope to share them with yall someday soon at my site.

Monday I hope to embark to LA where I hope the Red Cross will help set me up in a hotel, get some medical care and apt hunt. One day at a time...

Thank you again for your support...Love,Rose

It's good that Salt is taking pictures back in New Orleans. That must mean Salt is okay and helping to clean up the mess. He seems like a good bear.

Ooh, I just can't imagine what it would be like to have our lives turned upside down by a hurricane. The winds of change usually come a little more slowly and subtlely and less messy around here. I hope Rose finds an apartment and gets back on her feet. At least she has good bears to help her out.