The Life and Times of Goofball Revisited

I closed the door, so as to avoid any interuptions from the peanut gallery. The question at hand is, "What have I been doing with my time these past few months?" That is an excellent question and I'm glad that I asked it.

While some of the bears have busied themselves with watching TV, napping, staring out the window, or whining about life changes, I've been making myself useful around the house. I don't mean that I have been cooking or cleaning or changing diapers because I haven't been doing any of that stuff. If it involves a liquid, I'm staying away. That isn't exactly a credo, but as a rule of thumb it as served me well and I stand by it.

Anywho, I've been trying to make sure that Ricky is safe. There are a lot of new toys around the house and it is important to make sure that they won't malfunction and hurt Ricky. At first, I wasn't too psyched about this duty. To be honest, I got roped into it. During a seminar conducted by Pudgie and entitled, "Drool: Viscous, Vicious and Factitious," we decided to stop complainin' and support Ozzie and Harriet in their exhaustion. Someone moved to take a nap, the motion was seconded, and we all settled in to take a nap. When I woke up, everyone told me that I had been nominated to test out all the toys. I protested, but they said I was the most baby sized bear and there was no going back.

So I reluctantly began my duties. But truth be told, I liked it from the word go. Some baby toys are fun and if anyone caught me hanging out and enjoying myself, I could always say I was doing it for little Ricky. Plausible deniability are magic words, my friend. Check out the Exer-saucer.





Honestly, who wouldn't enjoy playing in the Exer-Saucer? It is a finely constructed machine. There are nifty toys to play with and if you get bored with one toy, turn your head and there is another toy to keep you occupied. One afternoon, I lost track of time and skipped a nap. Now THAT is a sign of quality.

However cool the Exer-Saucer might be, it pales in comparison to Rutherford.



If you didn't notice from the picture, Rutherford is an elephant. He's pretty big for a bear. Nice guy. Not many people are fun loving but also convey an air of seriousness and gravitas. Best of all, Rutherford is a riding elephant. I was gonna grab my cowboy hat, but Gladstone pointed out that perhaps a turban would be more appropriate since Rutherford was obviously from India. Rutherford doesn't sound like an Indian name, but you can't ride African elephants, so Gladstone must be right. I didn't want to offend the new member of the household, so I opted not to wear any head gear.

I have to say that riding Rutherford is a blast. You can go slow and you can go fast and Rutherford always makes sure you never fall over. I suppose an over exuberant child could tip backwards, but I didn't have the ballast to manage that feat. The experience was exhilerating. And who wouldn't want to spend time with a good natured fellow like Rutherford?

I was feeling friendly towards Rutherford, so I wrote him this limerick:

There once was a Jumbo from Dehli,
whose laughs came from deep in his belly.
He walked round the house,
was scared by a mouse
and his legs quivered like jelly.

I thought it was funny because it played off the sterotype that elephants are afraid of mice. I realize it isn't original, but it is novel because I am a teddy bear writing a limerick. Do you know of other teddy bears writing limericks? If you do, send them my way. Until then, sit back and enjoy the teddy bear poetry.

Rutherford didn't think it was so funny. He looked a little stunned and walked away. I felt bad and was going to apologize, but them Platy passed me this note from Rutherford:

There once was a bear named Ghirardelli
Whose paws were really smelly.
The stench wouldn't leave
and made his friends heave
Make another mouse joke and I'll step on your head.

The elephant has a way with words, huh? I reckon his point came through loud and clear. I think I'll avoid mentioning mice in Rutherford's presence again.

Anywho, the point is that thanks to my tireless efforts, the toys are certified safe for Ricky.

The Life and Times of Goofball

Hey there. Long time no type, huh? Sorry that I have been incommunicado, but our world has been turned upside down with the arrival of Ricky. Talk about a change. Sleeping in is a thing of the past, since Ricky wakes between 5 and 6 most mornings. Lounging and watching daytime TV isn't the same because Terri Poppins is always hanging around. Don't get me wrong, I think the baby sitter earns her keep. You couldn't pay me enough to change diapers and wipe up spit. I'm serious. Even for $1 million, I would not lift a paw to change a diaper. I suppose for $1 million I could outsource the job to someone like Terri Poppins. Ricky seems to like Terri, so I put up with it. But what I cannot put up with are the programs that Terri watches. Did you know that The Price is Right is still on? It is, and the set looks pretty much like it did during the 1970s. For that matter, Bob Barker looks about the same as he did in the 1970s. The show is an inane tribute to consumer culture.

Wagsy: Um ... hello, Goofball! I couldn't help but over hear your typing and I was wondering if you hate every aspect of the Price is Right. Your complaints sounds more like Pudge Bear than Goofball.

Goofball: I don't know what you are trying to imply. I'm my own bear. I make my own decisions. I'm smart enough to use words like "inane" and phrases like "consumer culture." I've got better uses of my time than watching women jump around and kiss Bob Barker and watching the Plinko disk fall.

Wagsy: Um ... is that true? I don't think anyone really dislikes Plinko.

Goofball: Okay, you're right. There is something hypnotic about it. But I don't like the show. The games are stupid -- except for Plinko, which is stupid but mesmerizing.

Wagsy: Um ... what about Cliff Hanger?

Goofball: What about it? It's a bad Sylvestor Stallone movie. What self-respecting action movie features John Lithgow prominently?

Wagsy: Um ... no, no, that isn't what I meant. What about the Price is Right game named Cliff Hanger?

Goofball: What are you trying to imply?

Wagsy: I heard you yodeling the Cliff Hanger song.

Goofball: What! How?! I only sing that when I am alone.

Wagsy: I heard you over the baby monitor.

Goofball: Get out of here! This is my post. Vamoose!

Moose: Moose!

Wagsy: Um ... are you embarassed about yodelling, Goofball?

Goofball: I do not yodel! You got that straight? The Goofball does not yodel.

Wagsy: Um ... the baby monitor says otherwise.

Goofball: Do you believe everything you hear over the baby monitor?

Moose: Moose!

Wagsy: Um ... yeah, yeah, I guess I do.

Goofball: I'm ending this post right now.

Wagsy: Um ... goodbye, Goofball.

Moose: Moose!

Happy Birthday, Harriet

Um ... happy birthday to you
Um ... happy birthday to you
Um ... um ... happy birthday, dear Harriet
Um ... happy birthday to youuuuuuu.

Um ... hello. This is Harriet's first birthday as a mommy. Our life has changed so much in the past year. First Harriet looked like she was smuggling pillows. Oooh, she looked very comfy, but really she was hard and lumpy. Then Harriet went to the hospital and came back with a baby. Um ... I don't think I have ever uttered a more terrifying clause in my life: "came back with a baby." Even "came back with a polyester chainsaw" doesn't sound as scary. I think this might be the first birthday a bear was thrown up on. Ozzie has been good about protecting us, but we still get drooled on sometimes. I guess we don't mind the drool so much, but ... um ... I don't like being a chew toy. I am a grown woman's teddy bear and that means I get to stay up late watching TV and cuddle and not get drooled on. Yeah, yeah, that's what it means.

But ... um ... it also means that we love Harriet and accept her no matter what. Ricky is pretty cute when he's not being a big ol' drool monster. Even I get my nose gnawed on, I'm happy that Harriet is my person. I think that goes for every one of us.



Happy birthday, Harriet!

Zebra on the Loose

WoW!!! Look Who Got a Blogger Account!!! Watch out World!

Catching Up

Um ... hello! Um ... how are you? Um ... um ... we haven't been doing a very good job of blogging lately. But it is not our fault! Honestly, we mean to blog, but ... um ... we need help and we keep getting ignored. Oooh, our life has changed and not for the better. Um ... we don't get as much cuddling. And we don't get to watch TV anymore. And a couple of us had to put our viscous liquids training to good use. Oooh! Little Ricky isn't very tidy. Drooly is more how I would describe him. He looks cuddly, but mostly he's sticky.

It isn't all bad, though. we have lots of new friends. There is a pig. And a sheep. And a couple of bears. And a zebra (ooh, another zebra ... our house is becoming a climate controlled serengeti). They're all very nice. Except maybe the zebra. He might be nice, but it is hard to get to know a zebra. Oooh, hopefully we can introduce you to all our new friends soon. Once we start blogging again.

But ... um ... it isn't all Ricky's fault that we haven't been blogging. There is also the election. Oooh, since Ozzie studies voting behavior, he's really busy during October. Last year that didn't stop us from blogging, but ... um ... I think Ricky has changed the equation a little bit. Ozzie just looks like a zombie. A big mean grumpy zombie. Even a dancing Goofball doesn't cheer him up. Um ... I wish he'd take a nap. And it would be nice if he'd include us in the nap, too. Maybe after the election we'll start blogging again. Maybe.

Um ... a dog has to have dreams, right?